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Is this audacious title: You Can Live with
Anyone, well almost over the top, ridiculous or
preposterous? It is a contentious and
inflammable claim, and as you have just picked
up this book the idea of being able to live with
anyone or get on well with everyone, probably
conjures up a picture of the person you find
most difficult in your life right now. Perhaps
the immediate reaction to the idea of harmonious
interactions with that difficult other might be,
“I don’t think so” or, “I couldn’t live with my
mother-in-law and I don’t think you could if you
knew her…”If you are skeptical about the idea
of being able to get on with anyone, you may
well wonder about the “well almost” in the title
You Can Live with Anyone, well almost. Let me
clarify that. It would be foolhardy to try to
include some people in your circle of family,
friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Axe
murderers spring to mind, why would you take the
risk? On a more serious note people that fall
into the “well almost” category would be those
that have marked personality problems and
probably need specialised attention.
Unfortunately, however much we may like to,
we can’t lump everyone we find difficult into
that basket. Even though it would make our life
a lot easier. Firstly, we have to look fairly
and squarely at the part we play in the
relationship difficulties we are having. But the
good news is, that after you have undertaken the
journey that this book will take you on, you
will be well equipped to make that decision and
then take appropriate action with that
impossible other.
In undertaking this exciting
trip you will realise that it is not about
changing others, it is about changing you and
the way you react to others. This is infinitely
easier to do than trying to modify the
behavioural patterns of others, who think that
you are being the impossible one.
Friction is an inevitable part
of living together and life without friction
would probably be pretty dull. Often the more
intimate and connected the relationship, the
greater the potential for fireworks. Rather than
to be feared, fireworks signal passion and
energy, they are often the life in a
relationship, a sign of vitality. This book is
about understanding the friction, becoming aware
of where it comes from and how it works, so it
does not run rampant through your life
destroying your relationships. You will have
control over the tensions, rather than them
controlling you and your reactions.
Look at it another way. Before
a diamond is polished it is an opaque lump, not
particularly special. That uncut diamond needs
friction to become a gemstone. Our difficult
relationships are the friction turning us, as
unpolished diamonds into glittering gems,
reflecting all the colours of the spectrum. We
actually need friction to reveal our true
beauty. The problem is, the friction is never
comfortable and we try hard to avoid it. You
Can Live with Anyone, well Almost aims to
make that polishing process less painful so we
emerge as the gemstone, which is the essence of
who we really are.
Fear, our need to keep safe to
survive and our conditioning as children, have
largely worked to suppress our true essence. If
we had no fear, our relationships could flourish
and grow and there would be room for us all with
our particular idiosyncrasies. On this voyage of
self-discovery, we have to be prepared to delve
within ourselves, have the courage to face fears
and have the endurance to follow through and
apply our learning. We all have the resources
within us right now to do this and we can make
it work. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be
any more challenging, teeth-grinding
relationship dilemmas to resolve. However,
hopefully we’ll perceive them as challenges and
hunt for the clues to resolutions in the
damaging patterns, rather than either; walk away
from relationships, continue discontentedly or,
even initiate destructive conflict that festers
for years.
What I learnt on my own
journey of self-discovery was that it wasn’t
about changing others, as I always wanted to do,
it was about learning why I thought the way I
did, and understanding how my own unique
programming had influenced the way I choose to
see things. Have you any idea of how your own
conditioning or programming affects the way you
see things ....
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